Age 28; Russia, Moscow.

Born on March 14th, 1974, the oldest son in a large family. He was a graduate of the October Revolution Music School and Gnesiniy Institute, and worked for the New Opera Theater. He also had a directing degree from the Ural Conservatory. Married for but two years, he had a 13 month-old son named Vladislav.

Our parents had known each other for many years. My mother and father knew Anton since he was fifteen. We got to know each other three years ago, while I was still in high school. He was nine years my senior. A year later, on November 12th, 2000, we got married. We were together for but two years, such a short while… Vladik was born on October 1st of 2001, and Anton was so happy to have a son. We wanted more children, since I was also the oldest child in my family, with six sisters and a brother.

I was rocking the baby when it all began, and no one told me about it. My sister Natasha had been watching television and ran to tell my parents that the ‘Nord-Ost’ play had been taken hostage. They decided not to tell me about it. I had tried to call Anton, but he would not answer the phone. About ten o’clock he called me. At half-past ten I went to my parents’ place, and my youngest sister Olechka said: “Poor Anton, poor Anton…” I could not understand – why was he poor? He called me up, asked us to pray… he said that it would be okay, but that was nonsense. He tried to calm us down, so that we did not worry so much. He called several times. When he called on Thursday night his voice was very low – I did not know if someone was standing over him with a machinegun, or if he was feeling bad. At 5 in the morning on Friday he called, and he sounded very cheerful. He told Mother that they were going to blow up the theater tomorrow, and asked for the priest’s telephone number. Mother called me to the phone, and he told me: “Liz, don’t worry, it’s a long time off.”

When he left home the last time, I thought: what if it is the last time I ever see him? I walked him to the door, watched him from the window, called him on the cell phone and said: “I love you.” And he told me: “I love you.” And all this while I could still see him through the window, and see that he was talking with me.

Anton was a very kind and sympathetic man. Everyone got along with him. We lived with my parents for awhile, like one big family, and my parents treated him like their own son. At the wedding, his friend asked him how he would be able to stand it, since he too had experienced something similar. Anton told him: “You know, I’m used to getting along with people.” We had no conflicts, just little things. He loved little Vladik so much. On that last day, he had the morning off and they played together. The night before, Vladik had said “Papa” – one time.

Anton did not have full-time work at ‘Nord-Ost’, but was a replacement for the flute-player who went on tour with a show in Italy. She even asked him to go in her stead, since the working conditions at ‘Nord-Ost’ were better, but Anton did not want to be away from home for a whole month. He did not say that he would not go, he just let it be, and so it turned out that she left and he went to work at ‘Nord-Ost’ each day. He had asked for the day off, and the theater agreed, but Anton could not get ahold of the other flute-player the night before, so he went to work anyway.

A girl who was there told me that Anton was numb from all the events, and they tried to raise his spirits, called out to him, but he would not even turn his head. It was as if he had lost his will to live!! It was strange… he was deep in prayer, asking that his life be spared, but most of all, that his soul be saved! What they said about him losing his will to live, I will never believe that, because he was cheerful when he called me up, he wanted to remain about the living.

Anton had an asthma-like allergy. He could not undergo general anesthesia, and this gas, from what I understand of it, is a kind of general anesthestic. Two girls who were seated next to him both survived. All of this has only strengthened my faith, but I would still like to know what went on, and from what it was that he died. There needs to be discussion on this. People need to know, society needs to know what really went on, because there is just too much speculation and lies. People should know as much as possible.

I now know that the crossing from one world to the next is very close… And no one knows when it will happen to him. Anton is dead, but I cannot say that I have no husband. I have a husband, and I love him. I feel his presense all the time.

«Filarmonik» #4, 2002

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